Oct 11, 2016

If you're not a feminist, what are you?

Inequality between men and women will possibly, probably end in 100 years. Until then, inequality deniers, mansplainers, men who call out on double standards for women (meaning women get to complain a lot and have it both ways or something) and how the truth apparently is that men have it worst:

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Women aren't foreign objects. Women aren't legs and boobs, and pussy. Women are people! They're the woman who gave birth to you and raised your sorry ass. They're your sister who spoiled you because you were the male of the family. They're your wife, your girlfriend who loved you, your daughter who you say you love, but are ok with her having to endure constant abuse and inequality???

If you're not a feminist, you're a creep! 

Sep 29, 2016

Why a woman who's not a woman's woman doesn't belong in the new world!

     Why do we blame the other woman, more than a man when the two of them are clearly complicit in cheating? By normal standards we would have to blame the man more, because he's the one who's attached, while the other woman is, or is supposed to be free to do whatever she wants with her life. She didn't make a promise. She's by all means free of any obligation. Still, despite that very logical reasoning, we don't hate on the other man, as much as we hate on the other woman.

     I was thinking about this the other day after the Brangelina divorce news, and the internet started once again hating on Angie. The internet declared that their marriage was doomed because they started by cheating, and of course they blamed Angie and again absolved Brad. I am a feminist, and I hate double standards, so I surprised myself when I came up with an answer different from what I'm all about. I embraced the thought, the feeling and I tried to understand where I was coming from, after finding out I was blaming Angelina in my heart, more than Brad, for the way they hurt Jennifer. This is not even about them, but this new story in the media, for which if I were as unimpressed by celebrity news as I claim to be, wouldn't be thinking or writing about it. The truth is, it affected me, not because I have a personal history of spouses cheating, but because I'm a woman, living in a man's world.

     We live in a man's world! We live in a patriarchal society! It's so hard for us women to make it and because men have built this very narrow lane of opportunity where we can cross and join them in the land of power, fame, money, career, making it, women have consistently thrown other women under the bus. The idea that there was only one spot for the female, was so vivid in our brains, that we ran with it, and we as women, became the worst enemies of women. In the last years I have seen a shift, especially in the entertainment industry. Women who gain power help other women. There's a camaraderie I never thought was possible between women and I'm so happy that I'm living in a new world and I want to contribute.

     I've always been jealous of men's camaraderie. If their friend is cheating on their wife, they are there to take the call and lie for them. If their friend is doing something shitty, they're there to defend them. Women don't do that! Even between our friends we don't really, at least in the majority, demonstrate that kind of loyalty. When women get married, they leave their friends behind (again, usually, and in my reality). Men, on the other hand, rely on their friends even more, and most certainly don't share their friends' secrets and conversations with their spouses. This is what has been happening for years. Now that women are becoming more and more independent, and female camaraderie is becoming a thing, I can't wait to see the changes in our society coming from that.

     So when I, or we, hear of a woman, who's not a woman's woman, who can have any man, but goes for the unattached man, that's when we throw that woman under the bus. Jolene, there's no begging here, but there's a lot of anger towards you. The man's irrelevant in this story. He betrayed us? Who cares? In my subconscious, in my core, your betrayal was more hurtful!

     We don't hate on her more than the man, because the man is not to blame. We blame her more because we don't expect much from a cheating man. He's an asshole, he's an untrained animal, we dismiss him. We judge the woman on a higher level, because we are women, and we expect some type of camaraderie that we've been craving since the Matriarchal society was a thing. We hate that woman who betrays her tribe for a man because it goes against every fiber of our being. Even though we've been raised in a patriarchal society, the evolutionary impact of raising children together, and having men only come in and out in our domain has sculpted who we are in our core.

     A woman who doesn't care about her tribe, about the rest of the women, and who breaks the rules, or even a woman who doesn't care about this re-found idea of comradery, is not someone who we forgive, no matter how good she does in the world. We have a visceral disgust for that woman, and we never forgive her, even after the hurt party has moved on years ago. The truth is that the victim is not just one woman, is the whole tribe!

     This rant is not about the stupid Brangelina, even though it was first inspired by it. Who cares about celebrities anyway? They're all fake and their lives are inconsequential. Angie is a humanitarian? Good for her. I still care more about the unspoken heroes who are day in and day out working to help people who are living in slavery, extreme poverty and terror, by actually risking their lives. I don't care about the big names. I care more about those men and women, and probably trans-people, who do the actual work in the ground. So I really could care less about celebrities, their drama, and their public story of humanism, or cheating, or abuse.

     This rant is about feminism and the best strategy to achieve equality. In real life I know that if we are to really make it in this world, gain equality, human rights, power, we cannot do it if we don't stick together and stand up for each other, and demand perfection from one another. If we are to really make it in this world, we cannot forgive the women who don't work for the tribe. Whether it is personal relationships, career, the public domain, we cannot stand for women who are against women (I'm talking to you Ann Coulter, or devil incarnate and I'm not going to call you the c word, because that's a beautiful word, and you are not). Being slutty or ambitious is allowed, as long as you don't step on your sisters to get it done.

     The only way we can demolish this patriarchal society, is if we create a society that is accepting and inclusive (even to men and of course trans-people). Even though stereotypical, we take what best defines us as female, and we use those powers for good. We can be different, we can be more effeminate, less effeminate. We may want to only raise children, or only work, or raise children and work. We may want to wear burkas, or slutty skirts. It's our choice! There's not one way to be a feminist, but there is one common identifier and that's that we should be inclusive and unselfish! There's no other way. If you don't have these two qualities, you're not a feminist!

     We can be anything, but we can't be the stereotypical powerful male who lies at work, at home, in public office, to gain power, against the general public's and this earth's interest, and his friends who support him in his lies. We don't want that kind of camaraderie!!! We want the kind of camaraderie found in the trenches at war, fighting for the woman and the man and the trans-person in the left, and the woman, the man and the trans-person in the right.

     We can't be selfish in pursuit of power. The earth has been raped, and the world has been fucked as it's been run by those patriarchal ideals. As we become powerful, we should change the world, every day in the private and public domain. It's our responsibility, to our gender, and to our mothers, grandmothers, and all the other women in our past who have been stepped on and who were forced to step on each other to gain recognition from men.

     We can't be selfish and only care about our own happiness. A selfless camaraderie is what's needed for the new millennium, for the new era, for the new age! And that's what feminism, is all about!

Aug 30, 2015

Liria e fjalës...ose diçka e tillë

"Lum si ju që keni kapitalizëm" tha gruaja 57 vjeçare, ish e persekutuar, ish me biografi të keqe, dhe e bija e një të burgosuri politik, "dhe bëni çfarë dëshironi të bëni, jo si ne në socializëm".

"Ju nuk kishit socializëm", i them unë mamit tim që vazhdon akoma të ketë koncepte të gabuara për ish realitetin Shqiptar, dhe për realitetin aktual.

"Po çfarë ishte?"

"Fashizëm!"

"Po pse e quanin socializëm? Pastaj fashizmi është tjetër gjë...është..."

"Çfarë është fashizmi, socializmi, komunizmi, kapitalizmi? Çfarë janë të gjitha këto sisteme që ende njerëzit i bëjnë lëmsh? Duhet të jetë parti e djathtë që të jetë fashizëm, dhe e majtë që të jetë socializëm? Duhet të jetë perëndim që të jetë kapitalizëm dhe prosperitet, dhe lindje që të ketë vuajtje dhe fashizëm?

Fjalët që përdorim për të përshkruar secilin nga këto sisteme janë vetëm fjalë. Mund të përdorësh fjalën 'Ndryshim' pa asnjë shpjegim tjetër rreth saj dhe mbledh masa të tëra injorantësh Shqiptarë apo Amerikanë (ndryshimi për fitore, Obama's change) të cilët i veshin asaj fjale emocionin e tyre personal, ëndrrën e tyre vetjake, dhe pushojnë së menduari më tepër se aq. Jemi qenie dembele. Arsyeja është sepse energjitë tona mendore janë të limituara, prandaj konservojmë (cognitive misers) mendues kopracë! Dhe atëherë çfarë bëjmë? Gënjehemi nga fjalë, shprehje, emra, të cilët frymëzojnë një mendim të parë rrenacak, dhe atij mendimi, përshkrimi rrenacak, i veshim një auto-tekst të gatshëm prapa mendjes sonë.

Komunizmi është fjalë kaq e bukur, dhe kështu është dhe socializmi. Komunizmi vjen nga komunë, komunalë, komunitet dhe ka kuptimin e njerëzve që jetojnë së bashku, ndihmojnë njëri tjetrin për të bërë jetën më të lehtë. E njëjta gjë dhe socializmi, vjen nga fjala social, të jesh social, shoqëror, të jetosh në shoqëri. Të dyja fjalët janë shumë të bukura dhe nëse do të kishte vërtetë një sistem politiko-ekonomiko-social që këto fjalë përfaqësojnë, do të ishte një botë ku njerëzit ndihmojnë njëri-tjetrin, dhe mirëkuptojnë njëri tjetrin. Ndërsa sistemi totalitar që ne kaluam ishte kaq ndryshe. Nuk ishte një sistem ku njerëzit ndihmonin njëri tjetrin, dhe ata më në nevojë si pensionistë, studentë, njerëz me aftësi të kufizuara!!! Ishte një sistem ku çdo gjë ishte e limituar, që nga risorset e deri tek mendimi i lirë. Ishte një sistem ku nuk kishte mundësi zgjedhjesh.

A nuk është ky fashizëm. A nuk është ky kapitalizëm?

Në kapitalizëm nuk ke një mundësi të madhe zgjedhjesh. Ke një iluzion se ke shumë zgjedhje, thoshte George Carlin. Për gjërat e rëndësishme si partitë politike, apo kompanitë e sigurimit, nuk ke zgjedhje, por për gjëra si shijet e akulloreve, sanduiçeve, apo ngjyrave të manikyrit, zgjedhjet janë të pafundme.

Në kapitalizëm mendimi nuk është i lirë, pasi ai kontrollohet nga një rreth i vogël njerëzish që zotërojnë 99% të pasurisë botërore, dhe i japin drejtim botës si të duan. Ata kontrollojnë partitë, mediat, kontrollojnë kush vjen në pushtet dhe kontrollojnë mbi të gjitha mendimin e lirë.

Në këtë pellgun e vogël ku jetojmë ne të harruarit e Europës, zgjedhja është midis dy partish politike (le të mos pretendojmë se partitë e tjera vërtetë kanë peshë, rëndësi, apo luajnë ndonjë rol, përveç atij qingjit LSIst që pi në dy nëna). Një numër i vogël politikanësh, biznesmenësh dhe horrash, kontrollojnë se çfarë bëhet me tenderat, me ajrin që thithim, me parqet që shëtisim, me taksat që paguajmë, me librat që lexojmë, me filmat që shikojmë, me mendimet që duhet të mendojmë...

Në një shkallë më të gjerë globale, kapitalizmi dhe globalizmi bëjnë akoma më shumë dëme. Një numër i vogël njerëzish vendosin çfarë ndodh me ne. Nuk ka liri mendimi. Po të kishte liri mendimi nuk do të vazhdonim akoma të ndiqnim rregullat e ekonomisë të shkruara nga një i marrë, që nuk kanë asnjë kuptim në jetën e vërtetë dhe nuk kanë asnjë mbështetje shkencore. (Ti dhe dora jote e padukshme mund të shkoni në ferr - madje shpresoj që ferri të ekzistojë vetëm për ty Adam Smith).

Mungesa e lirisë duket në rregullat që vënë shoqëria, shkollat dhe punëdhënësit se si dikush duhet të vishet, t'i ketë flokët, apo dhe të flasë. Nëse u thua njerëzve çfarë të veshin në ambiente të ndryshme, a nuk është kjo një shkelje e lirisë së fjalës/shprehjes? Shprehja individudale e identiteteve tona është primare për të jetuar në një shoqëri të lirë. Një shoqëri që të thotë si të flasësh, mendosh, vishesh është një shoqëri fashiste"

Nuk e di nëse ky fjalim e bindi mamanë time që i përket një shekulli të largët në mendime, se një piercing në gjuhë nuk është diçka që bën një adoleshent, por është një shprehje e të drejtave njerëzore.


Feb 26, 2015

Will millennials ever amount to anything, really?




We are the millennials, the very misunderstood generation, that apparently doesn't amount to nothing, spends more time than necessary hooked to a mobile device and social media, and is incredibly self-centered and isolationist. 

Just like the younger sister/brother of the most successful kid in school, we're forced to compete each day with the image of those who came before us. In their mid and late twenties our parents already had a full time stable job, a house or apartment, children to raise, and were well integrated in their community. But so many of the millennials today in their late twenties are going back home to live with their parents, are still included in their parent's cell phone plan, are unemployed or switching from one temporary contract to another, and are just as flaky in their personal lives.

But don't blame us. We don't want to be this way. Biologically speaking in our late twenties, we do feel the need to create stable lives as well. The world has just changed and it's not the way it used to be. 

When it comes to relationships, it's not as in the cave era of our parents who didn't have as many options to find a mate so they had to just grab what they could get. With all the dating apps, and social media today, for those of us who would like to be in stable longterm relationships, it's not an easy task. Everyone's playing a spin dating game, and the notion of "settling" when there are so many other options on the menu, is plain silly for the people we so often get to meet, flirt with, date.

When it comes to work, it's not really our fault. With austerity measures, one economic crisis after the other, the job market is not what it used to be. Most of us have to pay student loans debts and we settle for less than lucrative jobs. Jobs can be exported to other countries for less money and no benefits, or can be given to increasingly older unpaid interns. The generations that came before us created this mess of an unregulated business world where corporations can play with humans as they please, but we're the ones to face the consequences. We're flaky?!

It's not for lack of ambition or for lack of trying that we are still running about trying to find our place in the world. The only solution is to change the world, but how can we, when we have debt to pay? It's quite a fantastic plan, slavery by debt. A student debt revolt has already begun in the US and we wonder whether that's going to solve anything. Should we all refuse to pay loans and work on meaningless jobs that make the world a worst place to live in, and crash and crush the nonsensical financial markets once and forever? The greediness and inability to plan longterm of the generations that came before us left our generation fighting for bread crumbs, as well as for breathable air. 

But we're the flaky ones... to them...

We want sustainability, environmental protection, elimination of debt, free education, job security, free health insurance, justice, regulation of the financial markets, banks and the corporate world, regulation of government spending, decreased wars, investment in clean energy, social responsibility. We are not flaky. We think ahead. We are the victims of those who came before us, and because of how generation after generation have sold their soul to capitalism, globalism, corporatocraticism, we're the ones who have to shovel the snow, and clear the air for ourselves and the generations to come.


"And they wonder why those of us in our 20s refuse to work an 80-hour week just so we can afford to buy their BMWs. Why we aren't interested in the counterculture they invented, as if we did not see them disembowel their revolution for a pair of running shoes. But the question remains: What are we going to do now? How can we repair all the damage we inherited? Fellow graduates, the answer is simple. The answer is..." 

I don't know, the answer is I don't know, we don't know.

It is increasingly said that this quote from Reality Bites, a movie that came out over two decades ago still stands today, and it is increasingly an even more bitter pill to swallow.

There's so much for us to do, and it's getting every day more important for us to actually do something. To actually find an answer to that question as the world gets increasingly more dangerous and radical, corporations behave more cruelly, politicians are increasingly more and more sold out, and inequality rises.

We in our 20s have lost the notion of revolution. We don't know how it's done. We don't know if it can be done. Was the Occupy movement even successful at all? Are the movements against racism, Ferguson, etc., today as powerful and effective as Martin Luther King's civil liberty movements? Did the Arab Spring actually even bring the change it wanted, or just freed place for more evil? Can we be effective in changing the world, when we don't have the guts to bring the glory? 

Maybe we need to be suffering more to understand the need for change. Maybe losing everything is what can shake us up and get us back to our senses. There's too much waste, too many meaningless wars, too much inequality, and too many decisions being made against us and the latest fashion, technology and reality tv cannot dissuade us from the revolution that needs to come. 

It is the responsibility of us millennials to fix the mess and do something about it. It is our responsibility to create a movement as powerful as those of the 1960s. 

Revolution is a tricky thing, because half of the people could die to save the other half, a head of a dragon can be sliced for three more heads to pop back up . The system is rotten because we are, and changing the world can't be done in the words of the Beatles with pictures of chairman Mao. "We all want to change the world", but to change the world we need to change our mindset. 

We millennials in our late 20s, early 30s, we need to really amount to something and put our actual anger into action, or else, in 2034, in a more dangerous, unequal, unsafe unsafe world, that Reality Bites quote will still stand. 

Feb 4, 2015

Facebook Couple Profiles and the Main Reasons Why We Should Absolutely Loathe Them


Disclaimer: Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental and the author takes no responsibility for hurt feelings, because it’s the job of the writer to personally make all of their family, friends and acquaintances hate the writer for being honest on paper about how weird they are, while a hypocrite just like everybody else in person. 


In 2012 Facebook launched something the merely thought of which makes me cringe to my bones which is called Couples Facebook Pages. In these pages couples can basically track their relationships and tell the world, look how freaking happy we are (cringe). Facebook people insist on sharing information that no one of their friends wants to read while they're pursuing the international procrastinating fun time.

Some keep sharing baby pictures to a nauseating extent. I’m not a baby hater, so I do like one baby picture or two of the spawn of the people I actually care about, but there are some crazos who apart from not understanding the dangers of publicizing your child too much on social media, love to annoy their friends to death with updates about their children’s lives every available second of the day. Your child went poopoo on the toilet? Why do I have to know about that? And for our sanity's sake, your child is not a model, so stop dressing them up like adults and asking me to like their Facebook baby photo contest pictures.

Then there’s those who constantly share the turned single to turned in a relationship, to turned single back again status. Please update us when you are actually sure you are in a relationship, not the first time you shtoopped they guy. I know people on Facebook who have their relationship status private, because how complicated one's love/sex life is, it's none of their friends business, unless it is to proclaim that the On Sale sign is now off for probably good, or for a long while.

And then there’s those who share incredibly depressing photos of people whose lives apparently will be saved if we like the photo. Dear friends, for the last freaking time, that’s a scam. I know you have a good heart but stop spamming my homepage with pictures of sad and sick children.

But nothing annoying aforementioned really compares to how much any of us should be loathing those annoying Facebook Couple Profiles. These couples aren’t satisfied with the idea of having a Facebook Page about their couplehood (because who is actually going to like that page) but they actually force their mutual friends to sit through the friending of an unidentified blob of an identity which is called The Couple. Not only do I really loathe these profiles and the mere knowledge that they exist out there, and in my list of friends, but I also care enough to write about it and insist on why should everybody else hate them too. I'm giving you three compelling reasons, so hear me out:

Who the hell am I talking too?

The main reason why we should all boycott these profiles is because it’s just too confusing. So you both share an email address and a password and sign in on this profile you share, but how am I to know who I am speaking too? I’d love to ask something to my friend, but then her boyfriend will read that message on the inbox later. When I am writing to you, when you are liking my pictures, when I’m inviting you to an event, which one of you guys am I actually reacting too? I have no idea…Stop confusing us with this lack of concise identity and get your own separate profile.


I really don’t want to be FBFs with your fellow

Dear friend who insists on creating a couple profile, I really don’t want to be Facebook friends with your other half (cringe). I know you're very happy in your relationship, but I care to interact with you as you. Why do you insist on making me part of your relationship and force their Facebook friendship on me? I don’t know them. Never met them. Don’t care about the stupid cat pictures or religious sermons that they post. When I accepted to be your real life friend, I didn’t sign up for this. I love you, I care about you, or I just want to stalk you because I know I won't see you until highschool reunion and want to compare my achievements to yours every day, but I don’t want to have any online relationship with that person you chose to spend your very uncomfortable relationship with. I didn’t sign up for this, just because you did.

The extremely uncomfortable shared identity of couplehood

Couples who share a Facebook profile. Couples who finish each other sentences (sandwiches #ArrestedDevelopment) #cringe. Couples who use the word We/Us/Our in every conversation: “We think you should get a boyfriend!” “We strongly recommend you try the creme brulee, it is to die for!” “The doctor told us we should get a vasectomy” Excuse me??? Where did your identity go? It all makes me think you share the same toothbrush and are attached to the hip like Siamese twins. I know you guys love each other and spend way too much time together, but dude, you’ve forgotten who you are outside of that relationship. You’re becoming part of a blob and this is making me not want to hang out with you anymore. It’d be much more fun and less creepy to hang out with someone who has a Multiple Personality Disorder, rather than two people who think they’re one person. It’s just too much. Get some nail polish and remove the glue you've used to attach your butts together, and be a human again.

And to conclude, guys, I’m sure your other half (cringe) will not get jealous of you because you have a Facebook profile, if that's the reason you don't have a personal profile, but a shared one. Facebook hasn’t been a dating social app, in like, ever. We all use it to constantly compare our lives with people we were naturally supposed to forget we actually met at one point, not to send a pheromone-heavy message of availability to the other or same sex. If they actually think that that that's the reason you want a personal Facebook profile, then it’s time for you to unglue that butt from that other half (cringe) and get a life of your own. Do us all a favor and keep your social media profiles separate, and be less cringeworthy. 

Sincerely,

The Happily Singled