Jan 23, 2015

John Cameron Mitchell Revives Hedwig, the Saint of Misfits and Losers, on Broadway

John Cameron Mitchell has now reprized his role of Hedwig, the German former male immigrant from East Berlin, turned to living a life as an awkwardly mended up Harlequin of a trailer trash divorced army wife, babysitter, probably prostitute and rocker in the US, after a botched sex change operation. John Cameron Mitchell co-created the off Broadway show, also turned into a movie in 2001, played the role and directed the film. After the show was revived on Broadway, this time played by the one and only Neil Patrick Harris or as netizens know him, NPH, it won a Tony Award for Best Musical Revival among other awards. NPH relayed the role to Girls and New Normal star Andrew Rannells, who relayed it to former Dexter and Six Feet Under star Michael C. Hall, reprising his feminine side once again. And now the original creator, star, and let's be honest, the original Hedwig is reviving her in true shape once again to remind us all again why we fell in love with her, and why we've loved her so much our whole lives.

I won't be able to see the show, because I live in the other side of the world from New York, and even if I could afford a plane ticket, visa costs, ticket to the Broadway show after selling a useless kidney (useless in comparison to witnessing the real revival of Hedwig), I'm sure it would be near to impossible to get a ticket now. And still even though I won't be able to see this revival myself, I'm so grateful that Hedwig is back in her true shape and form for all us misfits and losers all around the globe.

For all of us who saw the film, it remains one of the most important films in Rock Culture, and one of the most influential films of our lives. You don't need to be gay or transgender or even a former East Berliner to appreciate this film. The music in this film and show, the story, and Hedwig herself with all her tragedy and dramedy embodies so much of the loneliness, desire for love, from others, and for oneself, that is so universally human, that every naked soul can easily embrace and be seriously marked by for the rest of their lives.

Hedwig is far from a perfect woman, or man, or something in between. She starts as a he. She was "born on the other side of a town ripped in two". An East Berliner influenced profoundly by American Rock 'n Roll and Punk music, utterly and with no doubt gay and exquisitely effeminate and beautiful, falls in love with a huge black American army man who promises to marry him and take him away to the US, far beyond the wall. It is the year 1989. Hedwig's mother advises him to turn into a woman, take his mother's name and have a sex change operation to be able to pass the medical exam, to marry the strong, black American military man. It is 1989 and after Hedwig finds herself a trailer trash army wife, divorcee, the Berlin wall breaks down. All the sacrifice was done for nothing. As someone who's experienced immigration and the need to go beyond the wall myself, my whole life, coming from a formerly North Korean style isolated country, I deeply understand the need to get the hell out, the sacrifice, and I empathize with Hedwig's desperation. 

After being abandoned by the very same man who cut her into pieces, Hedwig has become a part time prostitute, a part time babysitter, and a part time musician. She falls in love with an innocent Christian raised young man, projects into the innocent soul all her dreams and hopes for completeness, and breaks his heart after revealing her angry inch left out of a botched operation. Ultimately he is the one who breaks Hedwig's heart even more. After receiving a great music education he steals all of Hedwig's songs and becomes a huge star. Hedwig, full of anger, regret, hate and most probably self-hate, sings her songs and tells her story to a smaller audience, near the venue where Tom Gnosis, her self-described soul-mate and heart thief is having one of his huge concerts. 

Hedwig sings of separation, love, incompleteness and finally acceptance. Origin of Love based on Plato's myth of humans separated as two halves by the Gods, seeking the other half to be complete, is one of the most beautiful love poems ever written. Who hasn't dreams of meeting that other person who's going to make us feel less alone, less incomplete; the missing half?

"Last time I saw you
We had just split in two
You were looking at me
I was looking at you
You had a way so familiar
But I could not recognize
Cause you had blood on your face
I had blood in my eyes
But I could swear by your expression
That the pain down in your soul
Was the same as the one down in mine
That's the pain
Cuts a straight line
Down through the heart
We called it love"

Hedwig is ripped into pieces, abandoned and abused, but she's far from perfect. She becomes abusive herself and desperately seeks an angry useless revenge to get back the pieces she's lost. Ultimately, after facing her flaws and regrets Hedwig finally accepts herself or himself or oneself in the end of the movie/show and is on the road to feeling complete. What a beautiful story for us viewers who haven't had botched sex change operations, but have had our lives cut important pieces out of us day after day making us feel incomplete and wrong. It's a story of acceptance, self love, connection to the world that can be so cruel and cold. 

John Cameron Mitchell's rendition of this imperfect creature, angry, regretful and vengeful, but ultimately vulnerable, sweet and charming in her Rock 'n Roll glamour and rawness, with her sweet, echoing, bitter voice, and her pungent jokes is a perfect artistic expression of a whole universe compressed into one sole character. To anyone who's felt alone, to anyone who's felt incomplete, to anyone who suffers an identity crisis or another, to anyone who seeks love, and forgets to love oneself, this film, this character, is a goddess that listens to our desperate prayers and tells us to walk proudly naked in our own form and be one with ourselves and the world.

Hedwig who's always been in between, between man and woman, between the East and West, divided by an angry wall, and an angry inch, who cut herself and gave pieces of herself to everyone in her life is trying to put herself back together. Her story and journey inspires us to put the pieces of our puzzle back together and find a sense of wholeness out of all this mess that we call identity, put down the make-up, take off the wig, take off the mask, the costume and turn back to the rawness that ultimately defines us, to the core person we are, whoever or whatever that might be, with all the pieces we've lost, and freed from all the foreign pieces we've awkwardly attached to our Frankenstein-Monster-Souls. Ultimately it's not the walls, and awkward body parts, and Tommy Gnosises that leave us cornered into a shattered mess, disconnected, and desperate to connect back again with the world, but our own selves. Those wires we need to sew the two halves of the split apple into one and back together to the tree, are found within ourselves. The love that we need is found within ourselves. Once we feel complete and perfectly defined we can go back to feeling part of the whole back again, connected with all the misfits, and the losers and rock n' rollers like us. 

It's not a virgin Mary but it's the imperfect angry Hedwig that shines a light at the end of a tunnel with her beautiful voice on a midnight radio. She tells us she'll be the guide to us misfits when we're lost in this town we call the pale blue dot. 

"The fates are vicious and they're cruel.
You learn too late you've used two wishes
like a fool

and then you're someone you are not,
and Junction City ain't the spot,
remember Mrs. Lot
and when she turned around.
And if you've got no other choice
You know you can follow my voice
through the dark turns and noise
of this wicked little town." 

Jan 15, 2015

A reasonable amount of reasons why you shouldn't be a freelancer

I do hate every Buzzfeed type of article that starts with "Seven ways this puppy knows more about financial markets than you" or something like that, and I should know it. I used to write articles of the sort, even though way smarter, for $1 to $5 a piece! There are lots of freelance jobs out there with now hated by me websites such as Elance or oDesk (who viciously cast me aside and cancelled my free subscriptions), or Freelancer, where Indians and Africans hire you to do jobs instead of the other way around. For writers like me, the work can be exhausting, because how many original ways can you come up with describing an astonishing electric dryer?

There's so much useless information that is written online, so many writers, re-writers, sellers who bid on writing projects and hire others to do the writing for them for $1 a pop, and there are websites who use all this useless information to attract viewers to their site. And of course they're going to have to use whatever method to bring people to their site. There's no journalism and there's no writing anymore. What it's all about is coming up with titles people will click on, and filling up the rest to complete that assignment for as little time as possible, so you can at least receive a payment of $5 per hour.

Why do I do this, or why have I been doing all of this? Because I always need extra cash, and I was never a visual person to learn photoshop. I've been taking extra writing gigs on the side, for many British, Americans, Australians who can't write to save their life. I've been writing A papers for dumbasses in these countries, and I've been writing articles for idiots in these countries, and I've been paid less than the resellers in these countries, because I'm not a native speaker. The worst part about these writing gigs is that you actually sell your own work, and somebody else gets the credit for it. But hey you guys, you're just renting, not actually buying. My work is still mine. My articles are the genie that comes back to the master after being sold. 

I used to work as a freelancer to be able to pay for my very expensive university in Europe, because as European, but not member of the EU, I didn't have a working permit in the country. Have you tried to convert USD to Euros, when you get paid in the former and have to spend in the latter? It's quite depressing business. When you bid for these projects, there's always somebody else bidding lower. How can you work for $1 an hour!!!! 

There are freelancers who can earn a lot of money, but most of the work done in a day is bidding for projects. And when you're lucky enough to win a good gig, 20-40 hours a week, in the afternoon or weekends to get that extra cash on top of your full time work, or as full time work, if you only work as a freelancer, you still don't have any safety or reassurance. They can fire you at any time and leave you with no income. The website can just randomly delete your account without any reasoning, after you've spent years building up your portfolio and profile. There's no guarantee that you will actually get paid by individual employers no matter what these websites say. 

As a freelancer, you don't get insurance or a dental plan. And trust me, working as a freelancer you're going to need medical benefits to repair all the damage done to you. As a transcriptionist I've bled my ears trying to figure out what the hell that French guy was saying in English, trying to distinguish him as Speaker A or B from five other people in the table, all with bad European accents (while the recorder had been sitting comfortably at an annoying distance, and there were many other voices from people in other tables). As a writer I've damaged my eyes whilst writing for hours articles about electric dryers. As a freelancer I've damaged my back from all the sitting and lying down. As a freelancer I've blown my own brain up whilst trying to come with a way to write an article about investment, linking a snowboarding website covertly to the article. Can you come up with a way to do that? And finally as a freelancer I became at one point severely depressed, because freelancers work with no human contact for days at a time.

So next time when I tell you, I've been doing freelance work online for many years, writing articles about different topics, doing research, among other things, don't tell me "that sounds so interesting". In the corporate environment. most of the time is filled with sitting and waiting, discussing, attending meetings, and having coffee. Freelancers don't take coffee breaks (even though forget what I said, that's actually a good thing - typical Balkan coffee breaks are boring). Freelancers need to fill every second and minute of their time, otherwise another $10 is lost. I'm a workaholic, but dudes and dudetts, that's not healthy.

Working full time in an environment where there's so much waiting and hanging out from time to time is not fun either. Let me tell you my idea of a great working environment as an example I learned from my Organizational Psychology class: There's this actual company where employees go to the office to do their job whenever they want. There are no working hours and they get paid as long as they finish their projects. They don't even have the same desk when they come to work. They can just take any available desk. They finish work, and those who manage to finish fast, can actually go home and enjoy the rest of the surfing (or drinking) day. You get the benefit of a full time worker without feeling like a prisoner! Turns out there is a Golden Middle after all. 

If you still want to be a freelancer after reading this rant (nobody actually read it but whatever) don't complain about your medical, psychological and financial state at the end of the year. Freelance, is the opposite of freedom. Is pretty much slave work for most of the online working bees out there. #Truth

Dec 29, 2014

Top Movies for Serial Singles this Holiday Season

So winter's been here for a week and it's already freezing our bones, and our hearts. Ever heard of Seasonal Affective Disorder? Well I think I have that. I'm a spring-born and winter is just too depressing, Christmas time especially. When we were kids we could actually enjoy Christmas, with all its magic, but now that magic's gone. It's better to have loved and lost than never loved at all, or is it? Losing that magical feeling, belief in Santa, and in Santa for adults (Love), is quite depressing. This winter single gals like us didn't manage to find a warm cuddling body, but so what? There's still friends, bars downstairs and for those of us that are way too cold to even take out arm from blanket to point remote at screen, there's slankets and laptops. There's only one way to get out of the rut for me, and that's watch Christmas or Holiday themed movies and TV. I'm not talking about Eloise at Christmas Time, White Christmas, or Miracle in 34th Street, those kind of movies, but actual movies for us SAD people, Serial Singlists, Christmas-Disillusioned. This is a list of some of my favorite stuff to watch this season, for all us proud Serial Single gals to warm our hearts this winter, with stories about basically, even more pathetic versions of ourselves who get a win at the end. 

Diary of Bridget Jones

This is the main classic movie to watch this season. It starts with a very familiar scene with Bridget singing badly on her couch in her pajamas to All By Myself, after finding out that she has zero messages on her phone (which is the equivalent of no whatsapp notifications on your phone today), and has emptied her bottle of wine. Bridget's ability to screw up all the time in relationships, in her professional life and cooking, in keeping her weight down, or even showing up a at a party without looking like a prostitute, because she didn't check a message, makes us feel a little bit better about ourselves. When she gets to have fun with the bad boy, and even afterwards get the very very nice boy, who knows how to really kiss, sure makes us feel that we can have it all too. The film has all the Christmas - New Years atmosphere without all the family, children melodrama that let's face it, none of us has or wants to have either...right... It's a movie about us, and about how adorkable ladies who are far from perfect, can have it all. It's an anti- New Years Resolutions movie (because come on, they don't work), and a Love Thyself kind of movie. It doesn't matter how many times you've watched this movie, you should return to it every season.

200 Cigarettes

The Cautionary Tale Movie against throwing parties at your own apartment, and the All That Can Go Wrong on New Years Eve buffet...and it has Paul Rudd in it, making out with Courtney Love, Dave Chappelle and both Afflecks. A bunch of different stories, and a bunch of different people, their New Years and a party that kind of connects it all. It's a classic 90s film with a great 80s feel, so what more can you want?

When Harry Met Sally

Not only this movie taught all men to be extra hard working because that loud self-approving orgasm might have actually been fake, but it's also one of the most romantic movies centered around many many years of friendship, and one New Years Eve to top them all. Nora Ephron will definitely be forever the queen of the female hearts. She knows us all, and she knows how to touch our hearts. I wish there were more Nora Ephrons in this world even though Mindy Kailing and Tina Fey are her tweensies in the comedic side nowadays. Spoiler alert, two friends who know each other for years finally end up together and seal their new promise with a kiss on the New Years Eve gong. My oldest male friend who isn't married is actually gay, but hey, who cares. At least Meg Ryan gets the guy, again. "And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." 

Ally McBeal - The Man With the Bag

In the early 2000s, there was one name I used to call Mr Iron Man, Robert Downey Jr, and that was Larry Paul, Ally's love interest for over twenty-five amazing episodes. Ah, this character was amazing, all one can wish in a man, apart from the huge imperfection of having a kid that broke him and Ally apart in the end. Larry was charming, romantic, he loved Christmas, and man could he sing... really sing. This Christmas classic episode has Ally getting all jelly after Larry's ex shows up, a very Miracle in 34th Street Santa case (it's a lawyer show after all), as usually great music, and Christmas decorations up to our noses. This is an episode that restores your faith in Christmas. Feel free to check out every other Ally McBeal Christmas episodes by the way. They definitely have the most melodramatic, laugh out loud moments, and musical moments on TV. Ally taught me that's ok to be dorkward and it's ok to wear mini-skirts (even though HR doesn't agree), and that there could be men like Larry Paul out there. 

You've Got Mail

"It’s coming on Christmas, they’re cutting down trees. Do you know that Joni Mitchell song? I wish I had a river I could skate away on. Such a sad song. And not really about Christmas at all but I was thinking about it tonight as I was decorating my Christmas tree. Unwrapping funky ornaments made of Popsicle sticks and missing my mother so much I almost couldn't breathe. I always miss my mother at Christmas but somehow it is worse this year since I need some advice from her. I need her to make me some cocoa and tell me that everything that’s going badly in my life will sort itself out." Thankfully my mother is alive, but yeah, Christmas time reminds me of this quote, of this movie and of that song. As an adult, there's nobody really there to make you a hot cocoa and tell you that everything is going to be alright when you have no idea what you're doing with your life. Well maybe that person is Nora Ephron, and yes Tom Hanks too. It's a shame to miss out this end of the year on that hopeful Spring at the end of the tunnel, from which a handsome Tom Hanks (Joe Fox) appears surprising Meg Ryan (Kathleen) who says: "I wanted it to be you, I wanted it to be you so badly". As usual, Meg Ryan gets it all, at least for as long as Nora Ephron was alive. Miss her...

Let's face it, 2014 was not as great a year as those Year in Review Facebook posts reveal. I admit it, there were ups, but there were so many downs, that make the ups get forgotten. That's why we celebrate a meaningless holiday like New Years, and we get drunk every year, in hope that even though nothing actually changes but the calendar, the new year is going to be fabulous. But listen, as John says in Ally McBeal: "If you think back, and replay your year - if it doesn't bring you tears of joy or sadness, consider the year wasted." 

So however 2014 was for you, it's a clean slate, a new diary, and a new hope that somehow this year there will be no hangover. Read your 2015 Horoscope and dream ahead (even though, well horoscopes are complete bullshit). Get your torrent on and watch some flicks, listen to sad music, get drunk, eat cookies and turkey, without a care in the world, and dance with yourself in your pajamas in your living room. Soon it will be Spring and Joe Fox will invite you to a park in New York, let Brinkley loose and reveal, that it was him, it had always been him. 

Dec 12, 2014

Për një Ç që ti s'e vë

Control Panel / Clock Language and Region / Change Keyboards or other input methods / Change Keyboards / General / Add / Albanian / Keyboard / Albanian / Ok / Ok

Dhe kështu zgjidhet tastiera shqipe për ta shkruar Shqipen tonë lirisht.
Tani kliko z për y dhe y për z, gjen ë ku është ; ç ku është [

Për të shkruar ; dhe [ mjafton Shift Alt dhe shkon tastiera mbrapsht në Anglisht (EN) dhe më pas prapë Shift Alt për të shkruar Shqip SQ. Shikoni djathtas poshtë në kompjutër SQ apo EN për të parë cila tastierë është aktivizuar

Dikur shkruanim me w, dhe pastaj me Replace, i kthenim w në ë, në një mënyrë të tillë që thonim edhe ëlcome se harronim që kishte dhe fjalë anglisht në tekst. Disa akoma preferojnë Alt 135 dhe opcione të tilla, por jua garantoj nuk ka gjë më të lehtë se të mësosh të shkruash Shqip në tastierë shqipe. Është shumë e lehtë!!! 

Nuk ka pse të shkruani keq, dhe pastaj në tekstet zyrtare të ndryshoni tekstin më vonë, disa herë. Nuk ka pse të bastardoni shqipen e bukur, që dhe unë që flas më mirë Anglisht se Shqip, dua ta nderoj siç është për t'u nderuar. Kemi dy shkronja të bukura që të tjerët nuk i kanë. Vetëm dy! Kaq e vështirë është t'i përdorim siç duhet? 

Kam punuar më së shumti me të huaj, dhe kam studiuar në universitete të huaja, dhe më së shumti jashtë, prandaj dhe duke qenë se mbiemri im ka një prej këtyre shkronjave që të huajt nuk i njohin, ma kanë shqiptuar shumë shpesh, pothuajse gjitmonë, mbiemrin Sanko! Nuk jam Sanko bre, jam Sanço! 

Është vërtetë një mbiemër i veçantë. Me sa duket mbiemri i familjes sime ka qenë ndryshe por gjatë regjistrimit të popullsisë për nder të stërgjyshit tim topolak dhe për nder të leximit të Migel Servantesit, gjysmës së fshatit iu ndërrua mbiemri në Sanço. Të paktën, kështu thoshte gjyshi im shakator. Mbiemri im ka histori, më lidh me familjen, dhe ndoshta me ata jo familjarë, por ish bashkë-fshatarë që të bëheshim Shqiptaro-Spanjollë për shkak të një shakaje që ka zgjatur afër një shekulli. Dhe meqë ra fjala për shaka, nuk kam qarë më se më quanin shokë e shoqe Sanço Panço, që në klasë të tretë, dhe sidoqoftë është më mirë se Jona Makarona.

Mbiemri im ëshët pjesë e identitetit tim dhe më raftë pika (pavarësisht se dhe sot e kësaj dite nuk e kam idenë çfarë është pika) po e ndryshova ndonjëherë. 

E prapë luftoj gjithmonë që ta shoh të shkruar saktë në dokumente apo e-maile zyrtare pasi kur të ngatërrohet mbiemri, përveç problemeve me dokumentet që mund të dalin, përveç shqiptimit të gabuar nga njerëzit që i lexojnë, lind dhe një fiksim psikologjik që kam me identitetin tim. 

Nuk i di arsyet se pse kjo shkronjë kaq e bukur duhet të tredhet dhe të kthehet në një shkronjë tjetër. Nëse shkronja ç do të lëvizte në kufi mes shtetesh, do të kishte gjithmonë probleme me ngatërrimin e identitetit, dhe nëse shkronja c do të ishte person në kërkim, shkronja ç do ta hante kot ma si koti.

Ndoshta është një fiksim i ekzagjeruar, por dreqi e marrtë nuk është kaq e vështirë ta shkruajmë shqipen siç është për t'u shkruar. E vërtetë që nuk i bindim dot të huajt të na i shkruajnë emrat siç duhet, po të paktën mes Shqiptarëve, mos t'i humbasim këto dy shkronja të lezetshme që na karakterizojnë gjuhën, dhe e bëjnë ndryshe nga rajoni. Këto shkronja janë shkronja të Shqipes:

Lumja ti, moj korç'o lule, 
Q'i le pas shoqet' e tua! 
Si trimi në ball'u sule,
Ta paçim përjetë hua! 

Kushdo që është sot burrë 
Dhe shqipëtar i vërtetë,
Emëri s'i shuhet kurrë 
Dhe nderi i rron përjetë.

Gjuha jonë sa e mirë! 
Sa e ëmbël, sa e gjerë! 
Sa e lehtë, sa e lirë! 
Sa e bukur, sa e vlerë! 

Nov 22, 2014

Ladies Night In

Në club, apo në shtëpi?

Ndihmoni vajzat me një like dhe share në Facebook, duke shkuar në këtë post: